Before you begin any anal sex play, you should understand the basic anatomy of what’s hiding in your derriere. The ass is divided into multiple parts, but the two pieces you need to focus on are the anal canal & the rectum.
The anal canal is about two inches long and contains the two sphincters you may have heard about.
The first (external) sphincter is the muscle you feel when you tense up (feel free to play the home game and squeeze).
This area of the body contains multiple nerve endings which can be quite pleasurable when the muscles are tensed and then relaxed.
The second, internal, sphincter cannot be consciously controlled, however, the more relaxed you are, the easier it will be to pass this gateway. Once the external muscle is relaxed, the internal one should follow suit.
The anal canal then opens up into the rectum, which is about six inches long, but can vary.
Within this s-shaped structure, you can potentially directly stimulate the p-spot in a man, or indirectly, the g-spot in a woman.
Due to the musculature, sensations felt within the rectum can be experienced in the penile or vaginal regions.
The vagina lays in front of the rectum, and has thin walls that allow sensations to reverberate through. The bulb of the penis is also located nearby, and prostate stimulation can lead to arousal.
However, our structures are all unique, so we all feel various amounts of pleasure at different spots.
A common concern with anal sex is unexpected & unwanted (unless that’s your thing) fecal matter. The rectum is a holding spot, and unless you feel the urge to use the bathroom, it will be fairly empty.
There may be a scant amount of debris left, but if it’s been a few hours since you’ve evacuated, you should be fine.
There are of course steps you can take in case you’re concerned, or if it would help you feel less conscious and more relaxed–and that’s the aim!
In most cases, a warm shower or bath before any anal exploration will suffice. It’s normally a good idea to use some soapy water and a free hand to clean the anus, just like you would your other genitals.
You can use a finger to clean just inside as well.
Avoid harsh soaps, essential oils, coffee, alcohol, & astringents, as these will burn and can cause your body serious damage.
If you’ve been keeping count, you’re at 8 inches of clean space. If you’re going to be playing with something (or someone) longer, then you may want to consider an enema/douche.
Once you clear the rectum, you’re starting to play in the colon which does house fecal matter. If you’re planning on being railed or are in for some intense sex, then you may also want to consider something more thorough as this sort of activity can sometimes cause slippages from the colon.
Anal douching uses water to clean out the anal canal and rectum. You repeatedly introduce body temperature water to the rectum, and hold until you feel an urge to release. This process is repeated until the water rinses clear.
An enema is based on the same principle as a douche, but the water goes into the lower intestines as well. It can take a little longer since the water is going further, but can give you more reassurance.
With either an enema or a douche, avoid any play for a couple of hours. Your body does have a natural lubricant that lines the rectum, protecting it from irritation or nicking.
You’ll want to allow time for this moisture to form again. You also shouldn’t use either of these cleansers too frequently so as not to disrupt the natural balance of chemicals and flora.
If you are the giver of anal joy, clean yourself or the chosen toy with warm soapy water or as per instructions.
Preparation & Lubrication:
If you’ve never experienced any anal stimulation/play/sex before, you should investigate by yourself, if only to learn how to relax.
For example, I learned to ease into things by playing around in the shower. During your normal washing routine, slide a pinky finger in and wash around, just to get accustomed to the feeling of having something there. You should notice at first than your asshole flinches; that’s the external sphincter kicking in.
The more you relax, and see the experience as a pleasurable one, the more your reflex will ease. If you rim the anus with a warm and wet finger, you should find that you can more easily slip that finger inside.
Once you’ve learned to relax, you can either keep using your handy dandy digits, or you can use a toy, like a plug. Either way, you’ll need to use lubrication.
I mentioned before that there is some moisture in the anal canal, however, it is not like vaginal or penile liquid which increases with arousal.
A lot of people will say to load up on the lube, however, in my personal experience, you will need more than other intercourse, but you don’t need to go crazy.
If there isn’t enough, add some more. It’s a lot easier to add more than to take off.
It will come down to personal preferences as to what type of lubricant you use. As always, find something that is safe to use with your condoms, and something that you like.
Different consistencies can have different results. You may want to include different lubes in the time you experiment, that way you’ll have a good idea as to your own preferences.
If you are using toys for anal-play, make sure your lube is compatible with your toys! Oil-based lube is not compatible with condoms. Silicone lube can harm lower-quality silicone toys. When in doubt, use water-based lubricant.
As with all sexual activities, don’t push yourself to explore until you’re ready, and only go as fast as you’re comfortable with–it’s about you and your pleasure.
When you get through the first sphincter, hold your hands/toy there and let yourself adjust to the feeling, and then push through the second one.
Feel free to take some time in between these steps and hang out for a while, or walk away and come back to it later. (This shouldn’t be a chore!)
Some people need a lot of prep while others don’t, so figure out what works best for you. While I was always curious about my ass, I didn’t do much more than probing a finger there before I had anal sex, and I was just fine.
If you do decide to use a toy, make sure it is one with a flared-base (like a butt plug). You don’t want to have to go fishing for something.
If you use a dildo, make sure it is one that has some give and can adjust to the contours of the ass, as well as having a handle that serves as a flared-base to keep it from slipping too far inside and getting lost.
If this is your first time giving anal sex, you should also acquaint yourself with your anal space. Get to know the feelings and sensations so that you can relate to the person you’re planning on pegging.
Try using a toy to feel what different speeds and intensities are like.
The giver can also ease the receiver into it; play with the ass, get the person used to you being there. From there you could use your finger to rim and tease the ass hole.
If you’re comfortable, you could add in your tongue. If you’re on a familiar basis with each other, verbal arousal can go a long way too.
Fantasize together: send e-mails/texts about how good things will feel. The mind is the biggest sex organ, don’t overlook it!
If you don’t have the luxury of time, throw around some dirty talk between the sheets, create some anticipation and excitement. If your partner thinks s/he is going to enjoy it, chances are, s/he will.
For safe sex, obviously, always use a condom. The tissue in the anal cavity is quite fine, and if it were to tear, any diseases or infections could be easily transmitted.
If you are particularly worried about fecal matter as well, a condom can be easily removed without much embarrassment.
There are no particular styles or brands that are better than others for this type of sex, just go with personal preferences.
Note: Obviously, it’s important here to be aware of any latex allergies or sensitivities that you or a partner may have. There are non-latex condoms available. Nitrile gloves are also great for anal play & safer sex! And they come in sexy black or purple. Yum!
Do keep extra condoms on hand if you’re a female and want to switch it up between anal and vaginal sex. The bacteria that is naturally in the anal canal is not meant to be introduced to the vagina, and doing so could cause an infection.
For the giver–if you’re with multiple partners in one session, or are switching between different orifices, make sure you keep a stash of condoms on hand to switch out.
Penetrative Anal Sex:
When you decide to have penetrative anal sex, there are a few things to keep in mind.
By now, you should be adjusted to having something in your ass and you should feel as clean as you need to be comfortable.
You are in control & need to stay aware (as giver or receiver); don’t rush or push too quickly. Communicate what feels good and what doesn’t; otherwise, your playmate(s) will never know.
I recommend starting off slow and steady, then speeding up and going deeper when you feel comfortable. Keep the lubrication on-hand, in case you need more. I would also stick to the basic positions like doggie style.
This probably isn’t the time to be busting out the Kama Sutra. Most of all, enjoy!
If you decide you like anal play, there are more things you can do, such as rimming, fingering or ass-to-mouth. Play around with things, and figure out what you like.